CONCORD – Adoration and praise rained down on State Representative Robert Fisher this week, as the New Hampshire Republican, accused of covertly promoting profane and chauvinist ideologies on the internet, has been hailed as a beacon of authenticity in an era of two-faced politicians.
“Thank the Lord for Reddit!” shouted Reverend Milton Sheffield, a Concord Preacher, to a screaming crowd that gathered on Sunday to support Mr. Fisher.
Mr. Fisher was recently outed by The Daily Beast as the founder of social media site Reddit’s “The Red Pill” forum, where he has been linked to a user account suggesting women were intellectually inferior to men, only useful for sex, that feminists all have “rape fantasies,” and more.
The accurate correlation of his private views to the Republican Party platform reassured constituents across the political spectrum, who praised Fisher’s uncommon honesty and conviction.
“You have so many p-politicians,” asserted Reverend Sheffield through tears over a microphone, “s-so many… and they – they’ll believe things and never fight for them. They’ll j-just p-pee on your leg and t-tell you it’s raining! B-but not this guy. He’s a Republican in public and private!”
This was followed by enthusiastic cheers from Mr. Fisher’s supporters, gathered around the New Hampshire State Capitol.
“His policy goals may indeed be a threat to my well-being,” began Pam Durst, a housewife in Brookline, New Hampshire, “and my husband’s job, and maybe even national security. But at least he’s following his heart.”
Mr. Fisher resigned on Wednesday.
“He’s only just beginning,” said Mr. Sheffield. “This kind of honesty is presidential material!”
Morpheus contributed to this report. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org