Month: November 2017

Senate Republicans Add Scrotum-Cleansing for Top Earners into Tax Cut Bill

Posted on: November 30, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Arkansas, Ball-washing, Republican Senate Tax Cut Plan, Scrotum-Cleansing, Tax Cut, The Hamptons

WASHINGTON – Senate Republicans, working feverishly to shore up support for a deeply unpopular tax plan, added scrotum-cleansing as an additional benefit to the top tax bracket to the bill […]

Kyrie Irving’s Stellar Celtics Debut Proves the Earth is Flat

Posted on: November 28, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: Analysis, Opinion, Sports
Tags: 16-game winning streak, Bill Nye, Boston Celtics, Fake News, Flat Earth, FlatEarthFact, Gordon Hayward, Kyrie Irving

Kyrie Irving has had an incredible start to the NBA season. Since losing teammate Gordon Hayward to a season-ending injury, Kyrie’s Boston Celtics rocketed to the top of the standings […]

I.C.E. Hires Big Bad Wolf to Test Border Wall Prototypes

Posted on: November 23, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation, World
Tags: Big Bad Wolf, Border Wall, Mexican Border, Pig, President Trump

SAN DIEGO – President Trump’s proposed wall on the US border with Mexico is moving forward, and US Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has employed the services of the Big […]

How Charlie Rose’s Real Name And A Botched Circumcision Foreshadowed A Lifetime Of Sexual Misconduct

Posted on: November 22, 2017 by Icarus Ali
Categories: "News", Adventures, Nation
Tags: Charles Peete Ginmore Junior, Charlie Rose, Charlotte Ton, Circumcision, Cujo, Penis, Susanne Summers

The story of Charles Peete Rose Jr., the famed television journalist who was accused Monday of sexual misconduct by eight women in an in-depth expose in the Washington Post, is […]

Senate Tax Cut Plan Accused of Sexual Assault

Posted on: November 20, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Congress, Fay Keperzon, House, Juiz Desgurl, MONSTER, Notta Riyu Naimu, President, Republicans, Senate, Sexual Assault, Tax Overhaul Plan

WASHINGTON – The Republicans’ tax overhaul plan was accused this weekend of sexual assault by several different women, the culmination of a growing wave of sexual assault revelations in both […]

Whoops

Posted on: November 18, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: Messages
Tags: Email Address, Fake News, The Flat Earth Times

The email address we’ve been sharing is wrong.  All of our illustrious contributors can be reached at [email protected].  Any other email is fake news. Lies and deception did not intend […]

ANALYSIS: Senate Write-In Campaign Impossible Because Alabama Can’t Read

Posted on: November 14, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: Analysis, Nation
Tags: Alabama, Alabama Special Senate Election, Alaska, Democrat, Doug Jones, Gef Seshuns, Luther Strange, Republican, Roy Moore, Write-In

Republicans are in a bind in Alabama. Republican Senatorial efforts to derail the candidacy of Roy Moore in the Alabama Special Senate election have been unsuccessful. Judge Moore, battling claims […]

Republicans Unable to Decide Between Tax Cuts for Millionaires, Basic Integrity

Posted on: November 13, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Alabama, Basic Integrity, Fox News, GOP, Republicans, Roy Moore, Tax Cuts for Millionaires

WASHINGTON – As Republican Judge Roy Moore plows on through accusations of molesting teenage girls in the Alabama special Senate Election, Republicans nationally are flummoxed. Republicans are weighing their options […]

NJ and VA Republicans Send Thoughts and Prayers to Ballot Boxes

Posted on: November 9, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: #thoughtsandprayers, 2018, Ed Gillespie, GOP, Kim Guadagno, New Jersey, Republicans, Richmond, Thoughts and Prayers, Virginia, Woodbridge

RICHMOND – Republican voters in New Jersey and Virginia sent thoughts and prayers (#ThoughtsAndPrayers) to their voting precincts on Tuesday, hoping to hold off a wave of Democrats eager to […]

World Jealous of Taliban Prisoner for not Knowing Trump was President

Posted on: November 9, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", World
Tags: Afghanistan, Canada, Janne Olson, Joshua Boyle, President, Taliban

TORONTO – Worldwide showers of envy have rained down on Joshua Boyle, a Canadian-American man recently released along with his family from an isolated five-year imprisonment by the Taliban, for […]