ANALYSIS: Senate Write-In Campaign Impossible Because Alabama Can’t Read

Republicans are in a bind in Alabama.

Republican Senatorial efforts to derail the candidacy of Roy Moore in the Alabama Special Senate election have been unsuccessful. Judge Moore, battling claims that he made sexual advances on young teenage girls in his 30s, has refused to drop out, and now it appears a write-in campaign, as a de facto replacement for Moore, is also impossible, given the inability to read of virtually all Alabama voters.

PICTURED: Alabama DOT Director John R. Cooper’s Doctoral Thesis.

The only other name on the ballot is Democrat Doug Jones.

Republican Senate Majority Mitch McConnell was said to have favored a write-in campaign to replace Judge Moore with either Luther Strange, the current sitting Senator, or even Jeff Sessions, the former Senator and current Attorney General of the United States.

Whether or not either candidate would be politically palatable to Alabama is irrelevant, as no Alabaman is known to be able to spell either of their names, ruling out the possibility they could be written in for the special election on September 12th.

Lisa Murkowski, Republican Senator of Alaska, famously won her reelection in 2010 in a write-in campaign after losing a primary to far-right candidate, and she has encouraged Mr. Strange to attempt the same feat.

“Maybe they have a shot with Luther [Strange],” she is believed to have said. “Otherwise get ready for Senator Gef Seshuns.”

N8 Sliver contributed to this report.  She can be reached at flatearthtimes@gmail.com

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