Year: 2018

President Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn to Distract from Midterms

Posted on: November 1, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, Propaganda
Tags: James Bernadette, Lou Dobbs, MAGA, Mike Pence, President, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, Sean Hannity, White House South Lawn

WASHINGTON – As questions deepen about the role President Trump has played in inciting increasing right-wing extremist violence, Mr. Trump on Tuesday morning took the unusual step of having a […]

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Jeb Bush Sad not to Receive Any Pipe Bombs in the Mail

Posted on: October 30, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Jebwatch
Tags: George H.W. Bush, Jeb Bush, Jeb!, Jebwatch, Mailbombs, pipe bombs, President Donald J Trump

MIAMI – Former Governor of Florida and 2016 U.S. Presidential candidate Jeb Bush peered into his mailbox today, only for his hopes to dissipate once again. He received no crudely-made […]

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Local Man Can’t Decide Between 0.2% More Economic Growth, Basic Decency

Posted on: October 25, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: 2018 Midterms, Dave Fresno, Elections, Houston, Lizzie Fletcher, President, TX7

HOUSTON – Elections are approaching, and Texans are making up their mind. Dave Fresno, an antique shop owner in Piney Point Village, considered his vote at the Avalon Diner. “I […]

Senator Orrin Hatch Thanks Cute Waitress Who Testified In Congress

Posted on: September 28, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News"
Tags: Brett Kavanaugh, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Orrin Hatch, Senate Judiciary Committee, Supreme Court

WASHINGTON – Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), the second ranked Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, scribbled out a thank you letter to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the former classmate of […]

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Democrats Buy Pelosi Platinum Gavel After Close Special Election Loss

Posted on: August 9, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: 2018 Midterms, Arizona, Danny O'Connor, Democrats, Diamond Gavel, FiveThirtyEight, Larry Sabato, Nancy Pelosi, San Francisco, Tom Perez, Troy Balderson

SAN FRANCISCO – After a narrower-than-expected loss in a special election in Ohio, the Democratic Party has spent their entire second quarter fundraising haul on a platinum gavel for Minority […]

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GOP to change name to GOb to Attract Young Voters

Posted on: June 25, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: GOb, GOP, IHOb, IHOP, Roger Stone, Ronna McDaniel, The Republican Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Republican Party of the United States has announced a name change aimed at winning over young voters, from the GOP to the GOb. The switch comes […]

Kim Jong-un Criticized for Failing to Bring Up Human Rights with Trump

Posted on: June 21, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, World
Tags: human rights, Kim Jong-un, Mexico, North Korea, President, separation of families, UN, US Border

PYONGYANG – Kim Jong-un is facing withering criticism for his failure to bring up the appalling human rights record of US President Donald Trump, during their meeting in Singapore last […]

Kim Jong-un Seen Holding Boombox Outside White House

Posted on: June 11, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", World
Tags: boombox, In Your Eyes, John Cusack, Kim Jong-un, North Korea, Say Anything, Singapore, United States

WASHINGTON – Kim Jong-un, Grand Marshall of the People’s Liberation Army, Supreme Leader of the Worker’s Party, and divine ruler of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, was seen Sunday […]

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Trump Pulls Out of Louisiana Purchase

Posted on: May 17, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, World
Tags: France, Louisiana Purchase, Napoleon, President, Withdrawal

NEW ORLEANS – President Trump today announced that he would withdraw the United States from the 1803 Louisiana Purchase with France. The deal, signed during the Jefferson Administration, gave Napoleonic […]

Freed Americans See President Trump, Ask to Return to North Korea

Posted on: May 10, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", World
Tags: Joint Base Andrews, Kim Dong-chul, Kim Hak-son, North Korea, President, prisoner release, Tony Kim

JOINT BASE ANDREWS, Md. – Three Americans were freed from North Korean imprisonment yesterday, but after being greeted by President Trump, the horrified men asked to be allowed back into […]