Author: Flat Earth Times News Desk
As Trade War Ravages Wall Street, Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn
WASHINGTON – President Trump, eager to avoid or win a trade war he began with China, this morning took the unusual step of having a bowel movement on the South […]
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Jeb Bush Beats Up Local Bully
MIAMI – Jeb Bush had to be pulled off of a 12-year-old boy yesterday, having beaten the young child beyond submission in a counter-bullying incident. “AT-LEAST-MY-CHILDREN-LOVE-ME!” screamed the former Governor […]
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Local Man Plans Several Angry Internet Comments if Trump Fires Mueller
NASHVILLE – Gerald Hansley, a CVS clerk in Nashville, declared today he would angrily post comments on several social media sites if President Trump moves to shut down the Russia […]
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Jeb Bush Successfully Corrects Order at Pancake House
MIAMI – Jeb Bush overcame some terrific inner demons today when he challenged a restaurant server to fix a mistaken order at a local pancake restaurant. “What? Who?” asked a […]
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Suburban Liberal Completes 2018 Activism By Putting Sign on Her Lawn
MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY – In this affluent suburb of New York City, Karen Philipelli is ready for the 2018 midterms. “This isn’t my first rodeo,” smirked Mrs. Philipeli, looking at […]
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Trump Supporter Gives Up Over Stormy Daniels Affair
NASHVILLE – “This is disgraceful!” said Fred Nelneck, a former coal miner and a Trump supporter until that very moment. He was watching cable news coverage of adult film actress […]
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Local Man Burns Down Home To Spite Liberal Oscars
CINCINNATTI – “I’m TIRED of them telling me not to vote against my own interests!” stammered Jerry Lee Pickett, a welder from Springdale, Ohio. He was referring to the Emmys, […]
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Jared Kushner to Dine at Kiddie Table with Barron
WASHINGTON – Jared Kushner, Senior Advisor to the president, has been relegated to eating his meals at the White House kiddie table. He now dines with Barron, President Trump’s youngest […]
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Scientists Discover Gun Control Opponent With Large Penis
SIOUX FALLS – A team of anthropologists working around the clock have discovered a man who opposes any form of gun control, yet also seems to be well-endowed. They are […]
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Democrats Disguising Guns as Undocumented Immigrants
LOS ANGELES – Democrats in California spent most of Monday disguising various firearms as undocumented immigrants. Hopeful of getting Republicans to finally approve some forms of reasonable gun control measures […]
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