Author: Flat Earth Times News Desk
Democrats Fear Losing Dozens of Voters if they Embrace Legal Weed
WASHINGTON – Democratic leaders are shaking over a potential loss of support if more of their prominent voices come out in support of ending national marijuana prohibition. New Jersey’s newly […]
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New York Liberals Threaten to Vote Joe Manchin Out in West Virginia Primary
NEW YORK OR CHARLESTOWN: New York Democrats are targeting West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin and pledging not to vote for him in their Democratic primary on June 26th, 2018. Mr. […]
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Barrage of Instagram Posts from Manhattan Women’s March Successfully Convert Red States into Blue States.
NEW YORK – Millions of registered voters who cast their ballots for now-President Trump and congressional Republicans across rural America expressed complete reversals in their political ideologies over the weekend, […]
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President Trump Informed that Hawaii is Part of US
WASHINGTON – White House advisors spent several hours on Sunday explaining to President Trump that the archipelago of Hawaii is in fact part of the United States. A false ballistic […]
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Hillary Clinton Spotted Wearing Oprah Costume
NEW YORK: Former US Secretary of State and 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was spotted putting on an Oprah Winfrey bodysuit in an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn yesterday morning. […]
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Man Swears “No More Drugs in 2018” After One More Line of Cocaine
ST LOUIS: A local man at a New Years Party swore off drugs for 2018, declaring it his New Year’s resolution as an effort to focus on his health. He […]
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Orrin Hatch Sick of Kids Skateboarding on His Sidewalk
WASHINGTON – Utah Senator Orrin Hatch expressed dismay today of kids skateboarding on the sidewalk outside his apartment in Washington D.C. “Darn kids always skateboardin’ on the sidewalk!” he stammered […]
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Republican Leaders Elated To Receive Coal From Santa
CHARLESTON – Republican leaders around the country were ecstatic Christmas morning to receive coal from Santa. “Another promise, another victory,” declared President Trump at the White House. “Bring back coal? […]
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Report: Russians Making Fake People
LANGLEY, VIRGINIA – The Russian government, widely acknowledged to have interfered in the 2016 US presidential election, has now been reportedly making cybernetic organisms to infiltrate American politics. The Russian […]
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Mississippi and Arkansas Vie For Open “Worst State in the Union” Title
LITTLE ROCK – After a shocking election upset that sent number one seed Alabama home and packing, the people of both Mississippi and Arkansas have found renewed hope for a […]
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