Author: williamwallace

Build Back Better Act Must Survive Literal Bath With Senator Byrd

Posted on: September 20, 2021 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Analysis
Tags: Bernie Sanders, Build Back Better, Byrd Bath, Joe Manchin, Robert Byrd, Tom Daschle

WASHINGTON – Congressional Democrats aiming to pass the ‘Build Back Better’ Reconciliation bill, which contains virtually the entire agenda of President Biden and contains roughly $3.5 trillion in new spending, […]

Elizabeth Warren Drops out of Presidential Race to Pursue her Passion of Mike Bloomberg

Posted on: March 9, 2020 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Bailey Warren, Elizabeth Warren, Michael Bloomberg, Pursuit of Passion

BLOOMBERG RESIDENCE – Elizabeth Warren has dropped out of the presidential race, saying that she would be spending the remainder of the race following billionaire and fellow former candidate Michael […]

Biden Volunteers Threaten to Reduce Canvassing From 0.6x to 0.4x/month if Sanders is Nominee

Posted on: February 3, 2020 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Bernie Sanders, canvassing, Caucus, Iowa, Joe Biden, Mason City, packet, Phil Ochs, volunteering

MASON CITY, IOWA – Volunteers for Joe Biden, gathered at a campaign event in a supporter’s living room Sunday night, angrily chastised the left wing of their party and made […]

Public Shocked By Mueller’s High-Pitched Fairy-tale Voice

Posted on: May 29, 2019 by williamwallace
Categories: "News"
Tags: High-pitched voice, Raymond Hult, Robert Mueller

WASHINGTON: Robert Mueller’s high-pitched, sing-song voice was on full display today in the nation’s capital, a shocking revelation to cap his two years of silence atop the nation’s headlines. Mueller […]

President Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn to Distract from Midterms

Posted on: November 1, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, Propaganda
Tags: James Bernadette, Lou Dobbs, MAGA, Mike Pence, President, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, Sean Hannity, White House South Lawn

WASHINGTON – As questions deepen about the role President Trump has played in inciting increasing right-wing extremist violence, Mr. Trump on Tuesday morning took the unusual step of having a […]

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Jeb Bush Sad not to Receive Any Pipe Bombs in the Mail

Posted on: October 30, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Jebwatch
Tags: George H.W. Bush, Jeb Bush, Jeb!, Jebwatch, Mailbombs, pipe bombs, President Donald J Trump

MIAMI – Former Governor of Florida and 2016 U.S. Presidential candidate Jeb Bush peered into his mailbox today, only for his hopes to dissipate once again. He received no crudely-made […]

Property of the Flat Earth Times

Local Man Can’t Decide Between 0.2% More Economic Growth, Basic Decency

Posted on: October 25, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: 2018 Midterms, Dave Fresno, Elections, Houston, Lizzie Fletcher, President, TX7

HOUSTON – Elections are approaching, and Texans are making up their mind. Dave Fresno, an antique shop owner in Piney Point Village, considered his vote at the Avalon Diner. “I […]

Senator Orrin Hatch Thanks Cute Waitress Who Testified In Congress

Posted on: September 28, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News"
Tags: Brett Kavanaugh, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Orrin Hatch, Senate Judiciary Committee, Supreme Court

WASHINGTON – Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), the second ranked Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, scribbled out a thank you letter to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the former classmate of […]

Kim Jong-un Criticized for Failing to Bring Up Human Rights with Trump

Posted on: June 21, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, World
Tags: human rights, Kim Jong-un, Mexico, North Korea, President, separation of families, UN, US Border

PYONGYANG – Kim Jong-un is facing withering criticism for his failure to bring up the appalling human rights record of US President Donald Trump, during their meeting in Singapore last […]

Kim Jong-un Seen Holding Boombox Outside White House

Posted on: June 11, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", World
Tags: boombox, In Your Eyes, John Cusack, Kim Jong-un, North Korea, Say Anything, Singapore, United States

WASHINGTON – Kim Jong-un, Grand Marshall of the People’s Liberation Army, Supreme Leader of the Worker’s Party, and divine ruler of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, was seen Sunday […]