Distractions

williamwallace November 2, 2017

NEW YORK – Fox News, the top cable news provider in the United States, debuted its newest program last night, Shiny Object Dangling. The primetime show features various items of high reflectivity being dangled in front of a camera in a highly distracting and slightly amusing fashion. The program was broadcast at 8:30 PM and […]

williamwallace October 3, 2017

We live in a startling new world. In 2011, the Thirsty Turtle Times began as a proud platform for fake news. Our understanding of this term at the time was news that wasn’t real but told the truth anyway. But there has been an awakening, on the Dark Side of the force. That alignment of words […]

frankmayo May 2, 2013

Yeah, I’m stuck in China. Some of you may wonder where the hell I have been for the past year or so, most of you don’t give a shit. Needless to say, this is the first time I have access to a VPN, so this may be my only chance to communicate to the outside […]

frankmayo November 13, 2011

Have you ever listened to someone describe a night of heavy drinking to you? The story usually starts off sensibly: your friend describes his day, the time, the occasion, and so on. He’ll go on to describe the type of beverage that was consumed, the people that were there, maybe even an incident or two. […]

William Wallace July 26, 2011

It is my pleasure to introduce our newest contributor, Frank Mayo. When I asked Frank to describe himself for me, his only response was that he “comes in all shapes and sizes.” Frank is an old timer, despite his actual youth. His experiences in life render him the perfect candidate for the job I gave […]