“News”

williamwallace December 13, 2017

WASHINGTON – It wasn’t just Democrats reveling a shocking upset victory last night, as Democrat Doug Jones defeated Republican Roy Moore to become Alabama’s next Senator. Teenagers across Washington, D.C. took to the streets to celebrate that accused child-molester Roy Moore would not be coming to the city. “Where are we going?” shouted 15-year-old Bryce […]

Flat Earth Times News Desk December 12, 2017

BIRMINGHAM – Scientists and religious experts today discovered a magical curse that appears to prevent Republican politicians from endorsing Democrats in American elections. “This was an extraordinary discovery of deductive reasoning,” said Dr. Neil Gordon, an anthropologist at the University of Alabama who helped lead the discovery. His team used test subjects, a Ouija board, […]

williamwallace December 11, 2017

MIAMI – Long-time Republican political consultant Roger Stone is aggressively assembling an army of sexual assault victims to take down various Democratic politicians. “This is Gina,” said Stone, demonstrating the latest model off his press, a T12000 with full conversational skills and gropeable body parts. “And Chuck Schumer touched her ‘gina.” Stone is believed to […]

williamwallace December 7, 2017

The Republican Tax Overhaul Bill is Amazing! It is passing so fairly! Every study says it will grow the economy so much! Lots of jobs! The unemployment rate will go down below 1%! The budget will explode with revenue! Any study denying this is Fake News! Call your representatives and senators to support this bill! […]

Flat Earth Times News Desk December 5, 2017

Questions remain over the tax overhaul Republicans are currently trying to conference into one passable bill – namely, why are they Russiang the bill through Congress so quickly? Democrats allege the bill is Flynng through Congress is because of its historic unpopularity. They are working overtime Staling the overhaul, but it is not clear if […]

Flat Earth Times News Desk November 23, 2017

SAN DIEGO – President Trump’s proposed wall on the US border with Mexico is moving forward, and US Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has employed the services of the Big Bad Wolf to help test the capability and durability of various prototypes. Despite political gridlock on the decision to build a wall, and regardless of […]