Property of the Flat Earth Times

NRA Pledges to Move to 100% Recycled Ideas by 2020

FAIRFAX – The NRA announced on Monday that they will be moving forward with plans to use 100% recycled ideas by 2020. The unprecedented step comes two days after the pro-gun-reform March For Our Lives drew millions of protestors nationwide. The NRA is streamlining their positions so supporters “can use the same arguments over and over […]

George Soros Sent Actors Back in Time to Grow Up With Parkland Shooting Victims and Be Sad on TV

NINETEEN-NINETY-NINE – George Soros, the Hungarian-American hedge-fund billionaire and liberal philanthropist, has been caught sending paid actors to go back in time and endure horrific mass shootings in order to be genuinely emotional on television, to push a pro-gun control agenda. “It was devious!” said former Republican Congressman and CNN contributor Jack Kingston. “All it […]

Scientists Discover Gun Control Opponent With Large Penis

SIOUX FALLS – A team of anthropologists working around the clock have discovered a man who opposes any form of gun control, yet also seems to be well-endowed. They are reviewing their findings, but so far are standing by the stunning announcement. “This… is impossible,” said Colbern Pulhokie, a graduate researcher and member of the […]