America to Boycott 2018 World Cup in Russia

MOSCOW – The greatest tournament in soccer is set to begin in just one months’ time, and the United States will not be attending. The Americans announced they will be […]

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MUELLER MADNESS! Stormy Daniels Continues Cinderella Run

Stormy Daniels on Cinderella Run to End Trump Dynasty Stormy Daniels has continued her unprecedented march toward ending the presidency of Donald J. Trump, as the 14th seed rides toward […]

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Swiss Start Slow Clap as Team Korea Blown Out Yet Again

♪ “Taste the kimchi, taste the rice! Team Korea, here unites!” ♪ PYEONGCHANG – The united women’s hockey team of North and South Korea was treated to a deeply-sought slow-clap at the […]

Switzerland Ruins Korean Peace Effort

♪ Some people, you know they can’t believe! ♬ Korea has a unified ho-ckey team! ♪ PYEONGCHANG – Team Korea’s team could be heard singing this tune as they marched […]

Philadelphians Suddenly Not Terrible People Anymore

PHILADELPHIA – After decades of frightening reports, violent tailgates, and rambunctious viral videos, Philadelphia’s iconic and obnoxious sports fans suddenly and unexpectedly became kind, gracious, professional, intellectual ladies and gentlemen […]

Report: Boston’s Frozen Floods Part of Deal with Satan for Tom Brady

BOSTON: A new report suggests that Winter Storm Grayson, which blanketed the East coast and flooded much of Boston in a surge of seawater, was likely the result of a […]

Mississippi and Arkansas Vie For Open “Worst State in the Union” Title

LITTLE ROCK – After a shocking election upset that sent number one seed Alabama home and packing, the people of both Mississippi and Arkansas have found renewed hope for a […]

Kyrie Irving’s Stellar Celtics Debut Proves the Earth is Flat

Kyrie Irving has had an incredible start to the NBA season. Since losing teammate Gordon Hayward to a season-ending injury, Kyrie’s Boston Celtics rocketed to the top of the standings […]

Houston Magically Restored After World Series Win

HOUSTON – Reeling for weeks since the catastrophic flooding of Hurricane Harvey, the great city of Houston has been restored to perfect condition, perhaps by the gods, following the World […]