Category: Sports

NHL Players Kneel For US Anthem, Slip, and Fall on Their Faces

Posted on: October 9, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, Sports
Tags: Colin Kaepernick, Kneel, Montreal Canadiens, New York Rangers, PK Soubhan, US National Anthem

NEW YORK: NHL players attempted to kneel in protest during the American National Anthem Sunday, but were unable to keep their balance and fell on their faces. Hockey players for […]

Welcome to the Flat Earth Times

Posted on: October 3, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Adventures, College, Distractions, Messages, Nation, Opinion, Propaganda, Sphere, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives, World
Tags: Fake News, News all across the Earth, The Flat Earth Times, The Thirsty Turtle Times

We live in a startling new world. In 2011, the Thirsty Turtle Times began as a proud platform for fake news. Our understanding of this term at the time was news […]

University of Iowa Basketball Player Arrested For Trying to Harvest the Chrysler Building

Posted on: April 10, 2013 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: ABC News, Atlantic Coast Conference, Baylor University, Big Ten, Chrysler Building, CIA, Corn, Dr. Wallace D. Loh, FBI, fynanseers, harvest, Hawkeyes, Hurricane Sandy Relief Shelter, Iowa, Islamo-facism, Madison Square Garden, MSG, National Invitation Tournament, New York City, NIT, NYC Criminal Court, shucking, University of Iowa, University of Maryland, Whitman Studley

The University of Iowa’s loss in the National Invitation Tournament has been blamed on the absence of stellar senior Whitman Studley, who missed the game while attempting to shuck the […]

Students Eat Feces, Talk of Firing Edsall at Campus Farm

Posted on: December 8, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: College, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Coach, Eat Shit, Feces, Fire Edsall, Football, Maryland Football, North Campus Diner, Porky the Pig, Randy Edsall, Terps, Terrapins, University of Maryland

It was a spectacle like no other. Last night, reporters at the University of Maryland Campus farm on Paint Branch Drive documented a feast encompassing over 1000 students, but they […]

NCAA Admits Intentional Incompetence

Posted on: June 23, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: BCS, College Football, David Frohnmayer, ESPN, Kevin Anderson, Mark Emmert, NCAA, PC Police, Slave Labor, Student Athletes, Title IX

NCAA Admits Intentional Incompetence After years of questionable stands, exploding salaries, and inexplicably selfish behavior, the National Collegiate Athletic Association and some of its satellite organizations have finally come forward […]