Scientists Discover Gun Control Opponent With Large Penis

SIOUX FALLS – A team of anthropologists working around the clock have discovered a man who opposes any form of gun control, yet also seems to be well-endowed. They are reviewing their findings, but so far are standing by the stunning announcement. “This… is impossible,” said Colbern Pulhokie, a graduate researcher and member of the […]

Democrats Disguising Guns as Undocumented Immigrants

LOS ANGELES – Democrats in California spent most of Monday disguising various firearms as undocumented immigrants. Hopeful of getting Republicans to finally approve some forms of reasonable gun control measures at the federal level, Democrats are trying innovative methods to reach across the aisle.  They believe it is the only way to convince Republicans that […]

Barrage of Instagram Posts from Manhattan Women’s March Successfully Convert Red States into Blue States.

NEW YORK – Millions of registered voters who cast their ballots for now-President Trump and congressional Republicans across rural America expressed complete reversals in their political ideologies over the weekend, turning dozens of reliably-Republican state voter-blocs into reliably-Democratic ones.  The sudden shift was a direct result of the Women’s March held in Manhattan and the […]

Magical Curse Forbids Republican Politicians From Endorsing Democrats

BIRMINGHAM – Scientists and religious experts today discovered a magical curse that appears to prevent Republican politicians from endorsing Democrats in American elections. “This was an extraordinary discovery of deductive reasoning,” said Dr. Neil Gordon, an anthropologist at the University of Alabama who helped lead the discovery. His team used test subjects, a Ouija board, […]

Why Are the Republicans Russiang This Tax Bill?

Questions remain over the tax overhaul Republicans are currently trying to conference into one passable bill – namely, why are they Russiang the bill through Congress so quickly? Democrats allege the bill is Flynng through Congress is because of its historic unpopularity. They are working overtime Staling the overhaul, but it is not clear if […]

Republicans Propose Orchestrating Neutron Star Collision to Pay for Tax Cuts

CAPE CANAVERAL – Republican leaders in Congress have unveiled a bill to orchestrate a massive neutron star collision next to Earth, hoping to create an enormous supply of gold to help pay for their tax cuts for the wealthy, also unveiled this week. The unique cosmic explosion, recently witnessed many lightyears away by scientists, is […]

University of Virginia Students, Furious at Trump and Republicans, Unsure what to do Instead of Voting on Election Day

CHARLOTTESVILLE: Students at the University of Virginia here in Charlottesville are angry, and with Election Day approaching fast, many are struggling to come up with what to do instead of voting. The students have not forgotten the tumultuous rallies and violence that rocked the small college town in August, killing one protester and wounding many […]