OPINION – The Republican Tax Plan is Great!*

The Republican Tax Overhaul Bill is Amazing! It is passing so fairly! Every study says it will grow the economy so much! Lots of jobs! The unemployment rate will go down below 1%! The budget will explode with revenue! Any study denying this is Fake News! Call your representatives and senators to support this bill! […]

Kyrie Irving’s Stellar Celtics Debut Proves the Earth is Flat

Kyrie Irving has had an incredible start to the NBA season. Since losing teammate Gordon Hayward to a season-ending injury, Kyrie’s Boston Celtics rocketed to the top of the standings with a 16-game winning streak, focusing on teamwork and fourth quarter stamina, often fighting back from double-digit deficits. The edge of defeat is no match […]

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The email address we’ve been sharing is wrong.  All of our illustrious contributors can be reached at theflatearthtimes@gmail.com.  Any other email is fake news. Lies and deception did not intend to contribute to this report.  They can be reached at theflatearthtimes@gmail.com

The Onion Sues Trump Administration for Stealing All Their Ideas

CHICAGO: The Onion, a satirical news source known for outrageous headlines of impossible-to-believe stories, is suing the Trump Administration for stealing so many of their ideas and attempting to make them a reality. Kurt Mueller, the Chief Operating Officer of the Onion, was furious and focused outside of Cook County Courthouse in Chicago. “Trump Administration […]

Welcome to the Flat Earth Times

We live in a startling new world. In 2011, the Thirsty Turtle Times began as a proud platform for fake news. Our understanding of this term at the time was news that wasn’t real but told the truth anyway. But there has been an awakening, on the Dark Side of the force. That alignment of words […]

Germans Protest Removal of Hitler Statue in Berlin

BERLIN – Protests descended on the Tiergarten Park yesterday after the long-awaited decision to remove a statue of Adolf Hitler from the park’s center in downtown Berlin. “It’s our German heritage!” screamed Kurtholm Frederschmidt, a window sealer from Blankenberg. “This is our German identity. The statue has nothing to do with racism or anti-semitism!” The Berlin […]

The Far-Left Continues to Blackmail and Punish Society – with the Far-Right

Today’s chapter: France, where Marine Le Pen of the far-right National Front party is poised for an almighty upset that could rock the globe. The French far-left, which claims to despise her, could stop this.  But they seem content to let Le Pen slip the left flank and upend a 72-year norm that has held Europe […]