Editor’s note: start here. If you just opened this link expecting it to be a fun parody with a healthy agenda, tape that goddamn smile in place because this endorsement is going to be a rough fucking ride. For those of you still dizzy from tornadoes, which apparently is the majority of this loser school, […]
Editor’s note: In light of College Park’s recent murder-suicide tragedy, the gun control debate has come to the University of Maryland. UMD President Wallace Loh penned a column in the Diamondback calling for passage of Governor Martin O’Malley’s recent gun control proposals. In response, the National Rifle Association has reached out to the Thirsty Turtle […]
University of Maryland President Wallace Loh returned last week from what he termed a “very productive” trip to the Asian continent. President Loh left for China alongside a Maryland delegation, which included Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley, the latter of whom declared the trip’s one purpose to be “jobs.” He would soon be sidetracked.
This “news agency” will serve the College Park community. It’s brand new. And it’s unlike any you’ve ever seen before. The Thirsty Turtle Times will run substance-free. We don’t have ‘reporters.’ We don’t have a ‘budget.’ We don’t have ‘paper circulation’ – not because of our low budget, but because we embrace the future. And […]