Tag Archives: Ohio

Fox News Debuts “Shiny Object Dangling”

NEW YORK – Fox News, the top cable news provider in the United States, debuted its newest program last night, Shiny Object Dangling. The primetime show features various items of high reflectivity being dangled in front of a camera in a highly distracting and slightly amusing fashion.

The program was broadcast at 8:30 PM and lasted two hours, receiving rave reviews from conservative commentators and a surprisingly robust audience of 7.2 million viewers.

“This is one of the most highly informative programs I’ve ever seen on television,” said conservative radio host Wayne Allen Root. “There’s just so much value to the conservative, patriotic American tuning in to the full two hours. Don’t change the channel!”

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DO NOT PUBLISH: Election 2012 Article Template

DO NOT PUBLISH UNTIL REVIEWED AND EDITED BY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF!!!

NOTE TO MANAGING EDITOR: E.I.C. is MIA. Please edit by crossing out appropriate words and phrases. I will now click the “Save Draft” button, which is perilously close to the “Publish Now” button. Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!!! – Doc

Historic 2012 Election Concludes with Narrow Obama/Romney Victory

BOSTON/CHICAGO – It was a night to remember for Mitt Romney/Barack Obama, whose second bid for the presidency proved successful at last. After a long, bitter, and expensive campaign, Romney/Obama and his supporters finally had a night to celebrate.

“Tonight, we mark true change/take a great step forward for America!” boasted Romney/Obama in his victory speech. “Tonight, we turn to America’s better future, with an eye on compromise, and hearts on our common purpose!”

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