Freed Americans See President Trump, Ask to Return to North Korea

JOINT BASE ANDREWS, Md. – Three Americans were freed from North Korean imprisonment yesterday, but after being greeted by President Trump, the horrified men asked to be allowed back into the reclusive regime’s labor camps. Kim Dong-chul, Tony Kim and Kim Hak-son, three Americans, were imprisoned in North Korea following allegations by the reclusive state […]

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MUELLER MADNESS! Stormy Daniels Continues Cinderella Run

Stormy Daniels on Cinderella Run to End Trump Dynasty Stormy Daniels has continued her unprecedented march toward ending the presidency of Donald J. Trump, as the 14th seed rides toward the Elite Eight of Mueller Madness. “You could say she’s storming toward history,” commented an ESPN article writer, chuckling to himself and high-fiving his contractually-obligated-to-reciprocate […]

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As Trade War Ravages Wall Street, Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn

WASHINGTON – President Trump, eager to avoid or win a trade war he began with China, this morning took the unusual step of having a bowel movement on the South Lawn of the White House. During a live phone interview with CNN’s Blake Topper, President Trump’s economic advisor Peter Navarro was asked about the numerous […]

Hillary Clinton Spotted Wearing Oprah Costume

NEW YORK: Former US Secretary of State and 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was spotted putting on an Oprah Winfrey bodysuit in an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn yesterday morning. Ms. Winfrey has recently been speculated as a potential 2020 challenger in the Democratic primary races for President. Hillary Clinton has expressed she doesn’t want […]

Senate Tax Cut Plan Accused of Sexual Assault

WASHINGTON – The Republicans’ tax overhaul plan was accused this weekend of sexual assault by several different women, the culmination of a growing wave of sexual assault revelations in both Hollywood and Washington. “This bill left me feeling dead, broke, and worthless,” said Juiz Desgurl, a congressional assistant, in a press conference Sunday, who vividly […]

World Jealous of Taliban Prisoner for not Knowing Trump was President

TORONTO – Worldwide showers of envy have rained down on Joshua Boyle, a Canadian-American man recently released along with his family from an isolated five-year imprisonment by the Taliban, for the man’s prolonged ignorance of the political ascendance of Donald Trump. Mr. Boyle was expressed utter shock when, upon his arrival in Toronto, he was […]

Entire Trump Administration Derailed by ‘Perfect’ Late-Night Comedy Joke

NEW YORK – The Trump Administration has come to a crashing halt, with all executive branch offices of the federal government vacated as of 8:00 AM Monday.  The apparent cause of the political thunderbolt was a totally “perfect” joke, delivered in the usual Wednesday evening broadcast of The Daily Show with Trevor Noah by the host, Trevor […]

Trump Administration Condemns Post-2016 Politicizing of Dead Soldiers

WASHINGTON – The Trump Administration is coming down hard on Democrats and journalists whom they accuse of politicizing US soldiers killed in combat, something they insist has not been acceptable since 2016. “It is unacceptable to use our nation’s fallen heroes as political footballs in 2017,” insisted White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders. “The […]

University of Virginia Students, Furious at Trump and Republicans, Unsure what to do Instead of Voting on Election Day

CHARLOTTESVILLE: Students at the University of Virginia here in Charlottesville are angry, and with Election Day approaching fast, many are struggling to come up with what to do instead of voting. The students have not forgotten the tumultuous rallies and violence that rocked the small college town in August, killing one protester and wounding many […]

US Secretary of State and North Korea Reach Unprecedented Agreement That Donald Trump is a Fucking Moron

SEOUL/NEW YORK: North Korea and the US State Department stunned the world on Wednesday by reaching a major accord for the first time in years, agreeing that US President Trump is a fucking moron. The agreement, sending warm, hopeful tremors across the Earth, took some time to reach. North Korea began raising eyebrows the past […]