Democrats Disguising Guns as Undocumented Immigrants

LOS ANGELES – Democrats in California spent most of Monday disguising various firearms as undocumented immigrants. Hopeful of getting Republicans to finally approve some forms of reasonable gun control measures at the federal level, Democrats are trying innovative methods to reach across the aisle.  They believe it is the only way to convince Republicans that […]

Barrage of Instagram Posts from Manhattan Women’s March Successfully Convert Red States into Blue States.

NEW YORK – Millions of registered voters who cast their ballots for now-President Trump and congressional Republicans across rural America expressed complete reversals in their political ideologies over the weekend, turning dozens of reliably-Republican state voter-blocs into reliably-Democratic ones.  The sudden shift was a direct result of the Women’s March held in Manhattan and the […]

Republican Leaders Elated To Receive Coal From Santa

CHARLESTON – Republican leaders around the country were ecstatic Christmas morning to receive coal from Santa. “Another promise, another victory,” declared President Trump at the White House. “Bring back coal? Well we did just that for the American people, delivered by Santa’s American hands.” Republicans received lumps of coal in an apparent repudiation from Santa […]

Future Taxpayers Send #MeToo Messages Back in Time

TWENTY-SEVENTEEN: The future arrived in furious fashion in Washington today, after passage of the “Tax Cuts and Jobs Act” by Republican-controlled Congress. Future American taxpayers used social media posts, postcards, and other forms of communication not yet invented to send a simple message back through time to our present day in 2017: #MeToo. “Why are […]

Magical Curse Forbids Republican Politicians From Endorsing Democrats

BIRMINGHAM – Scientists and religious experts today discovered a magical curse that appears to prevent Republican politicians from endorsing Democrats in American elections. “This was an extraordinary discovery of deductive reasoning,” said Dr. Neil Gordon, an anthropologist at the University of Alabama who helped lead the discovery. His team used test subjects, a Ouija board, […]

Why Are the Republicans Russiang This Tax Bill?

Questions remain over the tax overhaul Republicans are currently trying to conference into one passable bill – namely, why are they Russiang the bill through Congress so quickly? Democrats allege the bill is Flynng through Congress is because of its historic unpopularity. They are working overtime Staling the overhaul, but it is not clear if […]

Senate Tax Cut Plan Accused of Sexual Assault

WASHINGTON – The Republicans’ tax overhaul plan was accused this weekend of sexual assault by several different women, the culmination of a growing wave of sexual assault revelations in both Hollywood and Washington. “This bill left me feeling dead, broke, and worthless,” said Juiz Desgurl, a congressional assistant, in a press conference Sunday, who vividly […]

Republicans Unable to Decide Between Tax Cuts for Millionaires, Basic Integrity

WASHINGTON – As Republican Judge Roy Moore plows on through accusations of molesting teenage girls in the Alabama special Senate Election, Republicans nationally are flummoxed. Republicans are weighing their options between the tax cuts Moore is likely to support shortly after taking office, or the basic integrity that comes with electing a candidate not accused […]

NJ and VA Republicans Send Thoughts and Prayers to Ballot Boxes

RICHMOND – Republican voters in New Jersey and Virginia sent thoughts and prayers (#ThoughtsAndPrayers) to their voting precincts on Tuesday, hoping to hold off a wave of Democrats eager to send a message to President Trump and Republicans nationwide. “We knew this would be a tough election, so we wanted to get our #ThoughtsAndPrayers out […]

Republicans Propose Orchestrating Neutron Star Collision to Pay for Tax Cuts

CAPE CANAVERAL – Republican leaders in Congress have unveiled a bill to orchestrate a massive neutron star collision next to Earth, hoping to create an enormous supply of gold to help pay for their tax cuts for the wealthy, also unveiled this week. The unique cosmic explosion, recently witnessed many lightyears away by scientists, is […]