Build Back Better Act Must Survive Literal Bath With Senator Byrd

Posted on: September 20, 2021 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Analysis
Tags: Bernie Sanders, Build Back Better, Byrd Bath, Joe Manchin, Robert Byrd, Tom Daschle

WASHINGTON – Congressional Democrats aiming to pass the ‘Build Back Better’ Reconciliation bill, which contains virtually the entire agenda of President Biden and contains roughly $3.5 trillion in new spending, […]

Elizabeth Warren Drops out of Presidential Race to Pursue her Passion of Mike Bloomberg

Posted on: March 9, 2020 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Bailey Warren, Elizabeth Warren, Michael Bloomberg, Pursuit of Passion

BLOOMBERG RESIDENCE – Elizabeth Warren has dropped out of the presidential race, saying that she would be spending the remainder of the race following billionaire and fellow former candidate Michael […]

Biden Volunteers Threaten to Reduce Canvassing From 0.6x to 0.4x/month if Sanders is Nominee

Posted on: February 3, 2020 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Bernie Sanders, canvassing, Caucus, Iowa, Joe Biden, Mason City, packet, Phil Ochs, volunteering

MASON CITY, IOWA – Volunteers for Joe Biden, gathered at a campaign event in a supporter’s living room Sunday night, angrily chastised the left wing of their party and made […]

Public Shocked By Mueller’s High-Pitched Fairy-tale Voice

Posted on: May 29, 2019 by williamwallace
Categories: "News"
Tags: High-pitched voice, Raymond Hult, Robert Mueller

WASHINGTON: Robert Mueller’s high-pitched, sing-song voice was on full display today in the nation’s capital, a shocking revelation to cap his two years of silence atop the nation’s headlines. Mueller […]

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Baby-Boomer Democrats Hold Candlelight Vigil for Joe Biden’s Reputation

Posted on: April 5, 2019 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation, Propaganda
Tags: #MeToo, Baby Boomers, Karen, President Donald Trump, Vice President Joe Biden

SCRANTON – Democratic voters roughly ranging in age from 56 to 73 gathered outside Lackawanna Courthouse Thursday night for a vigil in honor of former Vice President Joe Biden’s personal […]

John McCain’s Zombie Should Have Thanked Trump for a Funeral

Posted on: March 20, 2019 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: Opinion, Propaganda, Science
Tags: Arizona, funeral, gratitude, President Donald Trump, Senator John McCain, Thank you, Vietnam, zombie

Deceased Arizona Senator John McCain was brought back into the national conversation today by President Trump.  The President disparaged the Vietnam War Veteran and 2008 Republican Presidential nominee in comments […]

President Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn to Distract from Midterms

Posted on: November 1, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, Propaganda
Tags: James Bernadette, Lou Dobbs, MAGA, Mike Pence, President, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders, Sean Hannity, White House South Lawn

WASHINGTON – As questions deepen about the role President Trump has played in inciting increasing right-wing extremist violence, Mr. Trump on Tuesday morning took the unusual step of having a […]

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Jeb Bush Sad not to Receive Any Pipe Bombs in the Mail

Posted on: October 30, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Jebwatch
Tags: George H.W. Bush, Jeb Bush, Jeb!, Jebwatch, Mailbombs, pipe bombs, President Donald J Trump

MIAMI – Former Governor of Florida and 2016 U.S. Presidential candidate Jeb Bush peered into his mailbox today, only for his hopes to dissipate once again. He received no crudely-made […]

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Local Man Can’t Decide Between 0.2% More Economic Growth, Basic Decency

Posted on: October 25, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: 2018 Midterms, Dave Fresno, Elections, Houston, Lizzie Fletcher, President, TX7

HOUSTON – Elections are approaching, and Texans are making up their mind. Dave Fresno, an antique shop owner in Piney Point Village, considered his vote at the Avalon Diner. “I […]

Senator Orrin Hatch Thanks Cute Waitress Who Testified In Congress

Posted on: September 28, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News"
Tags: Brett Kavanaugh, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Orrin Hatch, Senate Judiciary Committee, Supreme Court

WASHINGTON – Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), the second ranked Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, scribbled out a thank you letter to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, the former classmate of […]