Local Gamestop Employee Tired of Gary Johnson’s Awkward Flirting

ALBUQUERQUE – Local Gamestop employee Anita Parker reported last Friday that she was growing sick and tired of former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson’s awkward flirting and cheesy pickup lines, while working her afternoon shift at the new & used video game retailer.

The former Libertarian presidential candidate was reportedly attempting to resell a copy of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare I when he jokingly suggested to Parker that “girls don’t usually work in video game stores, I guess you’re one of the cool ones!”  

Parker also told reporters that Johnson expected up to $50 for the used game, in which he had saved progress under the username “SwallowMyJohnson.”

“I felt kinda bad, he seemed like a smart guy…but Libertarians man, they just insist upon themselves, don’t they?” said Parker to reporters, “He kept asking ‘what does your boyfriend think of you flirting with a guy like me?’ and ‘why don’t hot girls like you date a nice guy like me?’  The whole interaction was painful and just needed to end.”

Johnson was unrepentant. “She should know how to take a compliment!” he said, standing outside Awaken Maid Cafe in Albuquerque.  “After all, I’m a Libertarian – I’m smarter than the other two guys, Hillary Clinton and what’s-his-name.”  

As a follow up, Johnson was asked about his financial situation and if it was related to his selling of used video games. He insisted that he had no financial woes, perhaps implying that his intentions were solely to spark conversation with Parker.

After 45 minutes of awkward, completely misfired attempts at flirting, his used copy of Call of Duty was purchased back by the store for $4.50.  

“I’m not sure we would have bought it all,” added Parker.  “But we kind of felt bad for him and I just needed him to leave.”

Former Massachusetts Governor Bill Weld then arrived to give the former presidential candidate a ride home, as Johnson’s bike was stolen from outside the store during the transaction.

Rick and Morty contributed to this report.  They can be reached at theflatearthtimes@gmail.com

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