FAIRFAX – The NRA announced on Monday that they will be moving forward with plans to use 100% recycled ideas by 2020. The unprecedented step comes two days after the pro-gun-reform March For Our Lives drew millions of protestors nationwide.
The NRA is streamlining their positions so supporters “can use the same arguments over and over more efficiently,” says Wayne LaPierre, the Executive Vice President of the NRA who serves as its chief spokesman.
“Just consider how hard we’ve worked on our talking points to make them fully recyclable,” said Mr. LaPierre. “‘How are Chicago’s drug dealers killing people if they can’t legally buy guns within the city limits of Chicago? It’s because laws don’t work.’ You see? There’s no single-use critical thought used in producing our talking points,” he said.
The NRA is making the ambitious proposal to as they confront growing opposition to their policy positions. They are seeking to avoid the difficult and laborious process of realizing their old ideas have been completely debunked and coming up with new ideas to reduce gun violence.
“Experience our unbeatable efficiency. Video games cause gun violence. That’s why Great Britain also once had a gun massacre,” Mr. LaPierre continued.
“Our arguments use no wasteful context or clarity, and they are all generated by 100% renewable penile insecurity,” he said.
The NRA is reportedly ahead of schedule with the transition.
A former Daily Show Correspondent contributed to this report. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.