JOINT BASE ANDREWS, Md. – Three Americans were freed from North Korean imprisonment yesterday, but after being greeted by President Trump, the horrified men asked to be allowed back into the reclusive regime’s labor camps.
Kim Dong-chul, Tony Kim and Kim Hak-son, three Americans, were imprisoned in North Korea following allegations by the reclusive state for committing espionage or “hostile acts.” Imprisoned before President Trump took office, the men were greeted by him at Joint Base Andrews in Maryland.
Mortified to learn of their new president, the three men began stumbling over each other to get back into their plane.
“I prayed to God for our release,” said Kim Hak-son. “But now I realize the nightmare was beyond my prison walls.”
President Trump stood smiling, expecting the men to embrace him, particularly excited that none of them had ever heard of Michael Cohen, Stormy Daniels, or Robert Mueller.
“That’s the guy who says dumb stuff on TV!” screamed Kim Dong-chul. “And said John McCain wasn’t a war hero! I’d rather shovel cow dung for 12 hours a day than live in a country where people think he should be president!”
“I didn’t say that,” said Mr. Trump, his smile vanishing and arms crossing.
“You’re the one who said Obama was born in Kenya, right?” asked Tony Kim. “You can torture my body, but that kind of stupidity tortures my soul.”
“No, that was Hillary Clinton,” said President Trump.
The men screamed, running back into their plane, demanding to return to North Korea. “At least North Koreans didn’t choose an unstable narcissist as their leader!” Kim Hak-son said to a reporter after duct-taping himself to his chair.
A few hours later, President Trump pulled out of the deal to release the prisoners, calling it “one-sided” and saying “we never wanted those traitors back anyway.”
KCNA contributed to this report. They can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org