Suburban Liberal Completes 2018 Activism By Putting Sign on Her Lawn

MONTCLAIR, NEW JERSEY – In this affluent suburb of New York City, Karen Philipelli is ready for the 2018 midterms. “This isn’t my first rodeo,” smirked Mrs. Philipeli, looking at her new “HATE HAS NO HOME HERE” sign, then glancing at the ‘Hillary/Kaine ‘16’ sticker in the glass pane of her large oak door. “Donald […]

Trump Supporter Gives Up Over Stormy Daniels Affair

NASHVILLE – “This is disgraceful!” said Fred Nelneck, a former coal miner and a Trump supporter until that very moment. He was watching cable news coverage of adult film actress Stormy Daniels’ lawsuit against President Trump. Ms. Daniels alleges she was paid $130,000 in hush money during the 2016 presidential election to keep quiet a […]

Local Man Burns Down Home To Spite Liberal Oscars

CINCINNATTI – “I’m TIRED of them telling me not to vote against my own interests!” stammered Jerry Lee Pickett, a welder from Springdale, Ohio.  He was referring to the Emmys, Grammys, and now the 90th Academy Awards show, which he’d chosen to watch between reruns of Duck Dynasty. “They just don’t understand average joes like […]

Jared Kushner to Dine at Kiddie Table with Barron

WASHINGTON – Jared Kushner, Senior Advisor to the president, has been relegated to eating his meals at the White House kiddie table. He now dines with Barron, President Trump’s youngest son. Following the downgrading of his White House security clearance, Jared Kushner, the president’s son-in-law, was widely criticized for being privy to highly sensitive national […]

Scientists Discover Gun Control Opponent With Large Penis

SIOUX FALLS – A team of anthropologists working around the clock have discovered a man who opposes any form of gun control, yet also seems to be well-endowed. They are reviewing their findings, but so far are standing by the stunning announcement. “This… is impossible,” said Colbern Pulhokie, a graduate researcher and member of the […]

Democrats Disguising Guns as Undocumented Immigrants

LOS ANGELES – Democrats in California spent most of Monday disguising various firearms as undocumented immigrants. Hopeful of getting Republicans to finally approve some forms of reasonable gun control measures at the federal level, Democrats are trying innovative methods to reach across the aisle.  They believe it is the only way to convince Republicans that […]

Democrats Fear Losing Dozens of Voters if they Embrace Legal Weed

WASHINGTON – Democratic leaders are shaking over a potential loss of support if more of their prominent voices come out in support of ending national marijuana prohibition. New Jersey’s newly inaugurated Governor Phil Murphy, a Democrat, rattled the national establishment by openly supporting legalized weed during his successful 2017 election campaign, losing an estimated 5-7 […]

New York Liberals Threaten to Vote Joe Manchin Out in West Virginia Primary

NEW YORK OR CHARLESTOWN: New York Democrats are targeting West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin and pledging not to vote for him in their Democratic primary on June 26th, 2018. Mr. Manchin was one of a few moderate Senate Democrats who sided with Republicans to end the federal government shutdown this week, abandoning a short stand […]

Barrage of Instagram Posts from Manhattan Women’s March Successfully Convert Red States into Blue States.

NEW YORK – Millions of registered voters who cast their ballots for now-President Trump and congressional Republicans across rural America expressed complete reversals in their political ideologies over the weekend, turning dozens of reliably-Republican state voter-blocs into reliably-Democratic ones.  The sudden shift was a direct result of the Women’s March held in Manhattan and the […]

President Trump Informed that Hawaii is Part of US

WASHINGTON – White House advisors spent several hours on Sunday explaining to President Trump that the archipelago of Hawaii is in fact part of the United States. A false ballistic missile alert that left over a million Hawaiians in terror on Saturday was apparently sent out by human error. Nonetheless, Hawaiians remained very shaken by […]