Switzerland Ruins Korean Peace Effort

♪ Some people, you know they can’t believe! ♬ Korea has a unified ho-ckey team! ♪ PYEONGCHANG – Team Korea’s team could be heard singing this tune as they marched […]

Jeb Bush to Emerge from Bedroom for First Time in Two Years

MIAMI – Jeb Bush, former Governor of Florida, announced yesterday that he would be leaving his bedroom for the first time since quitting the 2016 presidential race two years ago. […]

Philadelphians Suddenly Not Terrible People Anymore

PHILADELPHIA – After decades of frightening reports, violent tailgates, and rambunctious viral videos, Philadelphia’s iconic and obnoxious sports fans suddenly and unexpectedly became kind, gracious, professional, intellectual ladies and gentlemen […]

Local Woman Impressed with President Trump for not Defecating Pants During SOTU

RALEIGH – A local suburban mother of three was very impressed with President Trump’s State of the Union Address last night, highlighting his successful effort to hold his bowels as […]

White House Physician: President Trump Can Walk On Water

WASHINGTON – Official White House Physician Ronny L. Jackson assured reporters on Wednesday that President Trump is not only healthy, but he can walk on water as well. “The President […]

Report: Boston’s Frozen Floods Part of Deal with Satan for Tom Brady

BOSTON: A new report suggests that Winter Storm Grayson, which blanketed the East coast and flooded much of Boston in a surge of seawater, was likely the result of a […]

Mitt Romney Furiously Scrubbing “Massachusetts” From Wikipedia Page

SALT LAKE CITY: Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts, spent most of Wednesday meticulously removing all mention of the Bay State from his Wikipedia page. “The good people of UTAH […]

Future Taxpayers Send #MeToo Messages Back in Time

TWENTY-SEVENTEEN: The future arrived in furious fashion in Washington today, after passage of the “Tax Cuts and Jobs Act” by Republican-controlled Congress. Future American taxpayers used social media posts, postcards, […]

Washington D.C. Teenagers Ecstatic They Can Still Hang Out At The Mall

WASHINGTON – It wasn’t just Democrats reveling a shocking upset victory last night, as Democrat Doug Jones defeated Republican Roy Moore to become Alabama’s next Senator. Teenagers across Washington, D.C. […]

Roger Stone Furiously 3D-Printing Sexual Assault Victims For Democrats

MIAMI – Long-time Republican political consultant Roger Stone is aggressively assembling an army of sexual assault victims to take down various Democratic politicians. “This is Gina,” said Stone, demonstrating the […]