Category: Nation

Issues affecting the American plain on our flat Earth.

Barrage of Instagram Posts from Manhattan Women’s March Successfully Convert Red States into Blue States.

Posted on: January 22, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation, Propaganda
Tags: Blue States, California, Democrats, Manhattan, MyBody, New York, Red States, Republicans, resistance, Town Stages Studio, Women's March

NEW YORK – Millions of registered voters who cast their ballots for now-President Trump and congressional Republicans across rural America expressed complete reversals in their political ideologies over the weekend, […]

White House Physician: President Trump Can Walk On Water

Posted on: January 18, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: broccoli, cheeseburgers, Dr. Ronny L. Jackson, Jesus, President Trump, walk on water

WASHINGTON – Official White House Physician Ronny L. Jackson assured reporters on Wednesday that President Trump is not only healthy, but he can walk on water as well. “The President […]

President Trump Informed that Hawaii is Part of US

Posted on: January 15, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation, World
Tags: Ballistic Missile, Carmen Sandiego, False Alarm, Hawaii, Kenya, Missile, Obama, President Trump, shitholes

WASHINGTON – White House advisors spent several hours on Sunday explaining to President Trump that the archipelago of Hawaii is in fact part of the United States. A false ballistic […]

Hillary Clinton Spotted Wearing Oprah Costume

Posted on: January 11, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", College, Nation
Tags: 2020, Brooklyn, Democratic Primary, Millennial, Oprah Winfrey, President

NEW YORK: Former US Secretary of State and 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was spotted putting on an Oprah Winfrey bodysuit in an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn yesterday morning. […]

Mitt Romney Furiously Scrubbing “Massachusetts” From Wikipedia Page

Posted on: January 4, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Bain Cathedral, Boylston Street, Creek Center, Holladay, Lanhee Chen, Massachusetts, Mitt Romney, Republican Senate Seat, Salt Lake City, Utah, Wikipedia

SALT LAKE CITY: Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts, spent most of Wednesday meticulously removing all mention of the Bay State from his Wikipedia page. “The good people of UTAH […]

Republican Leaders Elated To Receive Coal From Santa

Posted on: December 25, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Christmas, Coal, North Pole, President Trump, Republicans, Santa Claus, Violent Revolution, West Virginia, Xi Jingping

CHARLESTON – Republican leaders around the country were ecstatic Christmas morning to receive coal from Santa. “Another promise, another victory,” declared President Trump at the White House. “Bring back coal? […]

Future Taxpayers Send #MeToo Messages Back in Time

Posted on: December 21, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, World
Tags: #MeToo, Bernese Sanders Mountain Raiders, Bitcoin, Empasynthesizing, Facebook, Future taxpayers, Republicans, Tax Cuts and Jobs Act, Time Rapists

TWENTY-SEVENTEEN: The future arrived in furious fashion in Washington today, after passage of the “Tax Cuts and Jobs Act” by Republican-controlled Congress. Future American taxpayers used social media posts, postcards, […]

Washington D.C. Teenagers Ecstatic They Can Still Hang Out At The Mall

Posted on: December 13, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", College, Nation
Tags: Alabama, Doug Jones, Gadsen, pedophile, Roy Moore, Teenagers, the mall, Washington D.C.

WASHINGTON – It wasn’t just Democrats reveling a shocking upset victory last night, as Democrat Doug Jones defeated Republican Roy Moore to become Alabama’s next Senator. Teenagers across Washington, D.C. […]

Magical Curse Forbids Republican Politicians From Endorsing Democrats

Posted on: December 12, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: #ReaganCurse, Bhutan, Condoleezza Rice, Democrats, Doug Jones, Jigme Singye Wangchuck, Magic Curse, Neil Gordon, Ouija, Racist Rapists, Republicans, Ronald Reagan, Roy Moore, University of Alabama

BIRMINGHAM – Scientists and religious experts today discovered a magical curse that appears to prevent Republican politicians from endorsing Democrats in American elections. “This was an extraordinary discovery of deductive […]

Doug Jones Campaign Brimming with Confidence After Eighth White Voter Pledges Support

Posted on: December 11, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Alabama Special Senate Election, Birmingham, Doug Jones, Roy Moore

BIRMINGHAM – The Senate Campaign of Democrat Doug Jones received a much-needed boost in Alabama today as Jim, an insurance agent in Birmingham, became the eighth white voter in the […]