Category: Nation

Issues affecting the American plain on our flat Earth.

NHL Players Kneel For US Anthem, Slip, and Fall on Their Faces

Posted on: October 9, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation, Sports
Tags: Colin Kaepernick, Kneel, Montreal Canadiens, New York Rangers, PK Soubhan, US National Anthem

NEW YORK: NHL players attempted to kneel in protest during the American National Anthem Sunday, but were unable to keep their balance and fell on their faces. Hockey players for […]

Welcome to the Flat Earth Times

Posted on: October 3, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Adventures, College, Distractions, Messages, Nation, Opinion, Propaganda, Sphere, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives, World
Tags: Fake News, News all across the Earth, The Flat Earth Times, The Thirsty Turtle Times

We live in a startling new world. In 2011, the Thirsty Turtle Times began as a proud platform for fake news. Our understanding of this term at the time was news […]

Trump Supporters Sick of Being Insulted By Meanie Liberal Snowflakes

Posted on: May 26, 2017 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Brian DeSantis, Cliff Moyer, Fox News Sunday, Newt Gingrich, President Trump, Putin, Snowflakes

WASHINGTON – Every-day supporters of President Trump have grown increasingly agitated by left-wing snowflakes teasing and insulting them. Additionally, they feel quite offended by “hate-marches” designed to hurt the president. […]

University of Iowa Basketball Player Arrested For Trying to Harvest the Chrysler Building

Posted on: April 10, 2013 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: ABC News, Atlantic Coast Conference, Baylor University, Big Ten, Chrysler Building, CIA, Corn, Dr. Wallace D. Loh, FBI, fynanseers, harvest, Hawkeyes, Hurricane Sandy Relief Shelter, Iowa, Islamo-facism, Madison Square Garden, MSG, National Invitation Tournament, New York City, NIT, NYC Criminal Court, shucking, University of Iowa, University of Maryland, Whitman Studley

The University of Iowa’s loss in the National Invitation Tournament has been blamed on the absence of stellar senior Whitman Studley, who missed the game while attempting to shuck the […]

DO NOT PUBLISH: Election 2012 Article Template

Posted on: November 6, 2012 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", Nation, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: 2012, 2016, Al Sharpton, Ann Coulter, Barack Obama, Boston, Chicago, Chris Christie, Colorado, Election 2012, Florida, Fox News, Grant Park, Greg Gutfeld, James Carville, Karl Rove, Martin O'Malley, Mitt Romney, Moving to Canada, MSNBC, Ohio, Presidential Election, Twitter, Van Jones, Washington

DO NOT PUBLISH UNTIL REVIEWED AND EDITED BY EDITOR-IN-CHIEF!!! NOTE TO MANAGING EDITOR: E.I.C. is MIA. Please edit by crossing out appropriate words and phrases. I will now click the […]

NCAA Admits Intentional Incompetence

Posted on: June 23, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: BCS, College Football, David Frohnmayer, ESPN, Kevin Anderson, Mark Emmert, NCAA, PC Police, Slave Labor, Student Athletes, Title IX

NCAA Admits Intentional Incompetence After years of questionable stands, exploding salaries, and inexplicably selfish behavior, the National Collegiate Athletic Association and some of its satellite organizations have finally come forward […]