Category: “News”
The Times of the Flat Earth we live on.
MUELLER MADNESS! Stormy Daniels Continues Cinderella Run
Stormy Daniels on Cinderella Run to End Trump Dynasty Stormy Daniels has continued her unprecedented march toward ending the presidency of Donald J. Trump, as the 14th seed rides toward […]
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Paul Ryan Retiring to Spend More Time With His Chilling Shame
MILWUAKEE – Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced he would retire after his term ends in 2019, in a speech on Wednesday. The 48-year-old Republican now wishes to spend […]
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Scott Pruitt Builds Taxpayer-funded Personal Halo to Escape Runaway Climate Change
OUTER SPACE – Administrator Scott Pruitt has ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to build him an entire Halo Array, with which he could escape the environmentally crumbling planet, an investigation […]
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As Trade War Ravages Wall Street, Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn
WASHINGTON – President Trump, eager to avoid or win a trade war he began with China, this morning took the unusual step of having a bowel movement on the South […]
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Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio Enjoy Organized Playdate
MIAMI – Former Florida governor Jeb Bush and current Florida Senator Marco Rubio enjoyed a festive Easter playdate yesterday. Organized by the men’s respective mothers, the two failed 2016 presidential […]
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Jeb Bush Beats Up Local Bully
MIAMI – Jeb Bush had to be pulled off of a 12-year-old boy yesterday, having beaten the young child beyond submission in a counter-bullying incident. “AT-LEAST-MY-CHILDREN-LOVE-ME!” screamed the former Governor […]
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NRA Pledges to Move to 100% Recycled Ideas by 2020
FAIRFAX – The NRA announced on Monday that they will be moving forward with plans to use 100% recycled ideas by 2020. The unprecedented step comes two days after the […]
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Local Man Plans Several Angry Internet Comments if Trump Fires Mueller
NASHVILLE – Gerald Hansley, a CVS clerk in Nashville, declared today he would angrily post comments on several social media sites if President Trump moves to shut down the Russia […]
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Jeb Bush Successfully Corrects Order at Pancake House
MIAMI – Jeb Bush overcame some terrific inner demons today when he challenged a restaurant server to fix a mistaken order at a local pancake restaurant. “What? Who?” asked a […]
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Our 2018 Bracket is Ready!
It’s happening! Send us your bracket at [email protected] Like us! Follow us on Instagram and Twitter!
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