Category: College

The molding of young minds.

George Soros Sent Actors Back in Time to Grow Up With Parkland Shooting Victims and Be Sad on TV

Posted on: February 26, 2018 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Science
Tags: Doc Brown, FBI, Florida, George Soros, gun control, Guns, Jack Kingston, Parkland, Stoneman Douglas High School, Time Machine, watchdog

NINETEEN-NINETY-NINE – George Soros, the Hungarian-American hedge-fund billionaire and liberal philanthropist, has been caught sending paid actors to go back in time and endure horrific mass shootings in order to […]

Scientists Discover Gun Control Opponent With Large Penis

Posted on: February 22, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Science
Tags: anthropologists, bob, Colbern Pulhok, Columbine, Darryl Nincovicz, Democrats, Dr. Parker Sandelae, Fluoride, Guns, Mandelay Bay, Parkland High School, penis-envy, salisbury steak, Sioux Falls, Virginia Tech

SIOUX FALLS – A team of anthropologists working around the clock have discovered a man who opposes any form of gun control, yet also seems to be well-endowed. They are […]

Democrats Fear Losing Dozens of Voters if they Embrace Legal Weed

Posted on: January 29, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", College, Nation
Tags: Chris Christie, Democratic National Committee, DNC, Jef Sessions, Joe Schmo, Marijuana, November 2018 midterm elections, Phil Murphy, pot, President Trump, Prohibition, Tom Perez, weed

WASHINGTON – Democratic leaders are shaking over a potential loss of support if more of their prominent voices come out in support of ending national marijuana prohibition. New Jersey’s newly […]

Hillary Clinton Spotted Wearing Oprah Costume

Posted on: January 11, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", College, Nation
Tags: 2020, Brooklyn, Democratic Primary, Millennial, Oprah Winfrey, President

NEW YORK: Former US Secretary of State and 2016 Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton was spotted putting on an Oprah Winfrey bodysuit in an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn yesterday morning. […]

Man Swears “No More Drugs in 2018” After One More Line of Cocaine

Posted on: January 2, 2018 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", College
Tags: 2018, Cocaine, Drugs, Monteberry Club, sobriety, St. Louis

ST LOUIS: A local man at a New Years Party swore off drugs for 2018, declaring it his New Year’s resolution as an effort to focus on his health. He […]

Mississippi and Arkansas Vie For Open “Worst State in the Union” Title

Posted on: December 14, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Analysis, College, Sports
Tags: Alabama, Arkansas, Barbecue Butter, Chris McDaniel, Doug Jones, Mississippi, Phil Bryant, Roy S. Moore, Walmart Scooter, Worst State

LITTLE ROCK – After a shocking election upset that sent number one seed Alabama home and packing, the people of both Mississippi and Arkansas have found renewed hope for a […]

Washington D.C. Teenagers Ecstatic They Can Still Hang Out At The Mall

Posted on: December 13, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", College, Nation
Tags: Alabama, Doug Jones, Gadsen, pedophile, Roy Moore, Teenagers, the mall, Washington D.C.

WASHINGTON – It wasn’t just Democrats reveling a shocking upset victory last night, as Democrat Doug Jones defeated Republican Roy Moore to become Alabama’s next Senator. Teenagers across Washington, D.C. […]

Local Gamestop Employee Tired of Gary Johnson’s Awkward Flirting

Posted on: October 26, 2017 by DenzelWashington
Categories: "News", College, Nation
Tags: Albuquerque, Anita Parker, Bill Weld, Call of Duty Modern Warfare I, Gamestop, Gary Johnson, Libertarian

ALBUQUERQUE – Local Gamestop employee Anita Parker reported last Friday that she was growing sick and tired of former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson’s awkward flirting and cheesy pickup lines, […]

University of Virginia Students, Furious at Trump and Republicans, Unsure what to do Instead of Voting on Election Day

Posted on: October 12, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", College, Nation
Tags: #Resist, Charlottesville, Democrats, Election Day, Love Conquers All, New Jersey, President, Republicans, Rethuglicans, Virginia

CHARLOTTESVILLE: Students at the University of Virginia here in Charlottesville are angry, and with Election Day approaching fast, many are struggling to come up with what to do instead of […]

Welcome to the Flat Earth Times

Posted on: October 3, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Adventures, College, Distractions, Messages, Nation, Opinion, Propaganda, Sphere, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives, World
Tags: Fake News, News all across the Earth, The Flat Earth Times, The Thirsty Turtle Times

We live in a startling new world. In 2011, the Thirsty Turtle Times began as a proud platform for fake news. Our understanding of this term at the time was news […]