Trump Supporters Sick of Being Insulted By Meanie Liberal Snowflakes

Posted on: May 26, 2017 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Brian DeSantis, Cliff Moyer, Fox News Sunday, Newt Gingrich, President Trump, Putin, Snowflakes

WASHINGTON – Every-day supporters of President Trump have grown increasingly agitated by left-wing snowflakes teasing and insulting them. Additionally, they feel quite offended by “hate-marches” designed to hurt the president. […]

“Red Pill” Curator Robert Fisher Hailed For Republican Authenticity

Posted on: May 22, 2017 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News"
Tags: authenticity, Brookline, Concord, GOP, New Hampshire, Pam Durst, Rape Fantasies, Red Pill, Reddit, Republican Party, Republicans, Reverend Milton Sheffield, Robert Fisher, The Daily Beast

CONCORD – Adoration and praise rained down on State Representative Robert Fisher this week, as the New Hampshire Republican, accused of covertly promoting profane and chauvinist ideologies on the internet, has […]

President Trump Farts On Live TV To Distract Press From Deepening Scandals

Posted on: May 17, 2017 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News"
Tags: Bernard Donovan, fart, James Comey, Peter Griffin, President Trump, Russia, Russiagate, University of San Diego

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump, surrounded by deepening scandals, sought to divert the media today by delivering a live televised fart on Tuesday night. Faced with angry allies, disloyal staff, […]

Student Protester Fully Understands Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Posted on: May 8, 2017 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, World
Tags: BuzzFeed, Israel, Jessica Ringwatt, Jordanian Propaganda, Know-it-all, Palestine, Protests, SJW, Social Justice Tips

COLLEGE PARK: Surprise and intrigue on the University of Maryland campus yesterday as student protester and self-described “champion of social justice” Jessica Ringwatt was officially confirmed to know everything and […]

The Far-Left Continues to Blackmail and Punish Society – with the Far-Right

Posted on: May 5, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: Propaganda, World
Tags: Alt-right, Bernie or Bust, blackmail, Communism, Emmanuel Macron, En Marche, Fake News, far-left, far-right, Fascism, France, François Fillon, French Election, Jean-Luc Mélenchon, Jeremy Corbyn, mainstream society, Marine Le Pen, National Front, Paris, punish, Republican Front, Russia, Sputnik, Trotskyite, Vladimir Putin

Today’s chapter: France, where Marine Le Pen of the far-right National Front party is poised for an almighty upset that could rock the globe. The French far-left, which claims to […]

The Thirsty Turtle Times Returns

Posted on: April 28, 2017 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: Messages
Tags: The Thirsty Turtle Times

The Thirsty Turtle Times will return, this year of our lord 2017. In 2011, the Thirsty Turtle Times began publishing what it called “fake news.”  With the graduation of all […]

FRANK MAYO: Stuck in China

Posted on: May 2, 2013 by frankmayo
Categories: Distractions
Tags: American Psycho, Baiju, Beijing, BuzzFeed, Cherokee Hair Tampons, China, Chinese, Chou Doufu, English, Frank Mayo, Prozac, Rebecca Martinson, VPN

Yeah, I’m stuck in China. Some of you may wonder where the hell I have been for the past year or so, most of you don’t give a shit. Needless […]

Rebecca Martinson for SGA President at UMD

Posted on: April 23, 2013 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: Opinion, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: #CuntPunt2013, Annapolis, Cunt, Cunt Punt, CuntPunt, Delta Gamma, Maryland, Maryland DG, Noah Robinson, Punt, Rape Culture, Rebecca Martinson, Sam Zwerling, Samantha, SGA, SGA President, University of Maryland, Wallace D. Loh

Editor’s note: start here. If you just opened this link expecting it to be a fun parody with a healthy agenda, tape that goddamn smile in place because this endorsement […]

University of Iowa Basketball Player Arrested For Trying to Harvest the Chrysler Building

Posted on: April 10, 2013 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", College, Nation, Sports, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: ABC News, Atlantic Coast Conference, Baylor University, Big Ten, Chrysler Building, CIA, Corn, Dr. Wallace D. Loh, FBI, fynanseers, harvest, Hawkeyes, Hurricane Sandy Relief Shelter, Iowa, Islamo-facism, Madison Square Garden, MSG, National Invitation Tournament, New York City, NIT, NYC Criminal Court, shucking, University of Iowa, University of Maryland, Whitman Studley

The University of Iowa’s loss in the National Invitation Tournament has been blamed on the absence of stellar senior Whitman Studley, who missed the game while attempting to shuck the […]

Aux Armes! – An NRA Response to UMD President Loh’s Assault on the Second Amendment

Posted on: February 26, 2013 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: Opinion, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Alex Rane, aux armes, Biopsych, College Park, Dayvon Maurice Green, Dr. Wallace D. Loh, Duke riots, Governor Martin O'Malley, gun control, Gun violence, Hyattsville, Marcus Plummer, Maryland, mental health, National Rifle Association, NRA, propaganda, psychology, R.J. Bentley's, Thirsty Turtle Bar, Thomas Jefferson, Tree of Liberty, University of Maryland, Wallace Loh, Waynes LaPierre

Editor’s note: In light of College Park’s recent murder-suicide tragedy, the gun control debate has come to the University of Maryland. UMD President Wallace Loh penned a column in the […]