Doug Jones Campaign Brimming with Confidence After Eighth White Voter Pledges Support

Posted on: December 11, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Alabama Special Senate Election, Birmingham, Doug Jones, Roy Moore

BIRMINGHAM – The Senate Campaign of Democrat Doug Jones received a much-needed boost in Alabama today as Jim, an insurance agent in Birmingham, became the eighth white voter in the […]

Roger Stone Furiously 3D-Printing Sexual Assault Victims For Democrats

Posted on: December 11, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: #MeToo, Gina, Leanne Tweeden, Miami, Roger Stone, Sexual Assault, T12000

MIAMI – Long-time Republican political consultant Roger Stone is aggressively assembling an army of sexual assault victims to take down various Democratic politicians. “This is Gina,” said Stone, demonstrating the […]

OPINION – The Republican Tax Plan is Great!*

Posted on: December 7, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Amendments, Fake News, Republican Tax Overhaul Bill, scribbles

The Republican Tax Overhaul Bill is Amazing! It is passing so fairly! Every study says it will grow the economy so much! Lots of jobs! The unemployment rate will go […]

Why Are the Republicans Russiang This Tax Bill?

Posted on: December 5, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Bill Mueller, Cross the Rubicon, Democrats, Fiscolillusion, Flynng, General Michael Flynn, hammer and sickle, Lenin, Moscow, Putin, Republicans, Revolution of 17, Russia, Russian puns, Russiang, Soviet, Stalin, tsarting

Questions remain over the tax overhaul Republicans are currently trying to conference into one passable bill – namely, why are they Russiang the bill through Congress so quickly? Democrats allege […]

As Media Shifts Focus to Tax Bill, Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn

Posted on: December 1, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: black athletes, Distractions, Dump, GOP, Matt Lauer, Poop, President Trump, Republican Tax Bill, Senate Tax Cut Plan, Vice President Mike Pence, White House South Lawn

WASHINGTON – President Trump, eager to sign a massive tax cut into law as the first major legislative achievement of his tenure, this morning took the unusual step of having […]

Senate Republicans Add Scrotum-Cleansing for Top Earners into Tax Cut Bill

Posted on: November 30, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Arkansas, Ball-washing, Republican Senate Tax Cut Plan, Scrotum-Cleansing, Tax Cut, The Hamptons

WASHINGTON – Senate Republicans, working feverishly to shore up support for a deeply unpopular tax plan, added scrotum-cleansing as an additional benefit to the top tax bracket to the bill […]

Kyrie Irving’s Stellar Celtics Debut Proves the Earth is Flat

Posted on: November 28, 2017 by williamwallace
Categories: Analysis, Opinion, Sports
Tags: 16-game winning streak, Bill Nye, Boston Celtics, Fake News, Flat Earth, FlatEarthFact, Gordon Hayward, Kyrie Irving

Kyrie Irving has had an incredible start to the NBA season. Since losing teammate Gordon Hayward to a season-ending injury, Kyrie’s Boston Celtics rocketed to the top of the standings […]

I.C.E. Hires Big Bad Wolf to Test Border Wall Prototypes

Posted on: November 23, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation, World
Tags: Big Bad Wolf, Border Wall, Mexican Border, Pig, President Trump

SAN DIEGO – President Trump’s proposed wall on the US border with Mexico is moving forward, and US Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has employed the services of the Big […]

How Charlie Rose’s Real Name And A Botched Circumcision Foreshadowed A Lifetime Of Sexual Misconduct

Posted on: November 22, 2017 by Icarus Ali
Categories: "News", Adventures, Nation
Tags: Charles Peete Ginmore Junior, Charlie Rose, Charlotte Ton, Circumcision, Cujo, Penis, Susanne Summers

The story of Charles Peete Rose Jr., the famed television journalist who was accused Monday of sexual misconduct by eight women in an in-depth expose in the Washington Post, is […]

Senate Tax Cut Plan Accused of Sexual Assault

Posted on: November 20, 2017 by Flat Earth Times News Desk
Categories: "News", Nation
Tags: Congress, Fay Keperzon, House, Juiz Desgurl, MONSTER, Notta Riyu Naimu, President, Republicans, Senate, Sexual Assault, Tax Overhaul Plan

WASHINGTON – The Republicans’ tax overhaul plan was accused this weekend of sexual assault by several different women, the culmination of a growing wave of sexual assault revelations in both […]