Tag: College Park

Aux Armes! – An NRA Response to UMD President Loh’s Assault on the Second Amendment

Posted on: February 26, 2013 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: Opinion, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Alex Rane, aux armes, Biopsych, College Park, Dayvon Maurice Green, Dr. Wallace D. Loh, Duke riots, Governor Martin O'Malley, gun control, Gun violence, Hyattsville, Marcus Plummer, Maryland, mental health, National Rifle Association, NRA, propaganda, psychology, R.J. Bentley's, Thirsty Turtle Bar, Thomas Jefferson, Tree of Liberty, University of Maryland, Wallace Loh, Waynes LaPierre

Editor’s note: In light of College Park’s recent murder-suicide tragedy, the gun control debate has come to the University of Maryland. UMD President Wallace Loh penned a column in the […]

UMD Authorizes Open Fire on Students Drinking Underage

Posted on: September 7, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Baltimore Sun, College Park, Cop Humor, David Mitchell, Fascism, Marc Limansky, Martin O'Malley, Minor, Open Fire, Police Chief, Public Safety, Shoot to Kill, The Diamondback, Town Hall Bar, UMD, UMDPD, UMPD, Underage Drinking, University of Maryland, Wallace Loh, Washington Post

COLLEGE PARK – Fresh from a $30,000 grant from Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley’s office to combat underage drinking, the University of Maryland Police Department announced today that it has been […]

Jimmy John’s Apologizes for Delivery Mishap

Posted on: September 3, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: "News", Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: College Park, Hurricane Irene, Jimmy John's, Matt Wampler, Sam Preer, UMD

Jimmy John’s Sandwiches, located in downtown College Park, Maryland, issued a public apology this week for a delivery mishap that occurred during Hurricane Irene. The hurricane swept through College Park […]

Dead Hippo Found Under Floorboards at R.J. Bentley’s

Posted on: August 1, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: College, Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Bentleys, College Park, Hippopotamus, Local Business, R.J. Bentley's, Scott Van Pelt, UMD for Clean Energy

Shock and awe reigned in downtown College Park this morning, when a dead hippopotamus was discovered wedged in the floorboards at R.J. Bentley’s Filling Station.  Evidence indicated it had been […]

Welcome to the Thirsty Turtle Times

Posted on: June 17, 2011 by thirstyturtletimes
Categories: Thirsty Turtle Times Historical Archives
Tags: Boobpedia, College Park, fakewallaceloh, First Post, Maryland, Roosevelt, Teddy, Teddy Roosevelt, Terps, The Thirsty Turtle Times, Theodore Roosevelt, Thirsty Turtle, UM, UMCP, UMD, UMDCP, Uncyclopedia, University of Maryland, Welcome

This  “news agency” will serve the College Park community. It’s brand new. And it’s unlike any you’ve ever seen before. The Thirsty Turtle Times will run substance-free.  We don’t have […]