Property of the Flat Earth Times

GOP to change name to GOb to Attract Young Voters

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Republican Party of the United States has announced a name change aimed at winning over young voters, from the GOP to the GOb. The switch comes as young voters prove to be increasingly disaffected with the nation’s two dominant political parties. “We needed a change,” said RNC Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel. The […]

As Media Shifts Focus to Tax Bill, Trump Desperately Takes Dump on South Lawn

WASHINGTON – President Trump, eager to sign a massive tax cut into law as the first major legislative achievement of his tenure, this morning took the unusual step of having a bowel movement on the South Lawn of the White House. During a live phone interview with CNN’s Blitz Wolfman, President Trump was asked about […]

Republicans Unable to Decide Between Tax Cuts for Millionaires, Basic Integrity

WASHINGTON – As Republican Judge Roy Moore plows on through accusations of molesting teenage girls in the Alabama special Senate Election, Republicans nationally are flummoxed. Republicans are weighing their options between the tax cuts Moore is likely to support shortly after taking office, or the basic integrity that comes with electing a candidate not accused […]

NJ and VA Republicans Send Thoughts and Prayers to Ballot Boxes

RICHMOND – Republican voters in New Jersey and Virginia sent thoughts and prayers (#ThoughtsAndPrayers) to their voting precincts on Tuesday, hoping to hold off a wave of Democrats eager to send a message to President Trump and Republicans nationwide. “We knew this would be a tough election, so we wanted to get our #ThoughtsAndPrayers out […]

“Red Pill” Curator Robert Fisher Hailed For Republican Authenticity

CONCORD – Adoration and praise rained down on State Representative Robert Fisher this week, as the New Hampshire Republican, accused of covertly promoting profane and chauvinist ideologies on the internet, has been hailed as a beacon of authenticity in an era of two-faced politicians. “Thank the Lord for Reddit!” shouted Reverend Milton Sheffield, a Concord Preacher, […]

FAKE WALLACE LOH: Vote Loh & Lee 2012

So I guess this is what happens when you make a drinking game out of a Republican Presidential Primary. Yes, of course I am running for President! As a fake personality very loosely based on a poorly understood, low-level foreign politician, I know that I am the most serious Republican candidate.

Wallace Loh Declares Candidacy for President of the United States

Dr. Wallace Loh, President of the University of Maryland, has declared for the Presidency of the United States, running as a Republican. Wallace Loh attended Grinnell College in Iowa for undergrad, Cornell for his master’s, the University of Michigan for his doctorate in psychology, and Yale for his Law degree. He then decided to do […]