Property of the Flat Earth Times

Jeb Bush Sad not to Receive Any Pipe Bombs in the Mail

MIAMI – Former Governor of Florida and 2016 U.S. Presidential candidate Jeb Bush peered into his mailbox today, only for his hopes to dissipate once again. He received no crudely-made […]

Property of the Flat Earth Times

Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio Enjoy Organized Playdate

MIAMI – Former Florida governor Jeb Bush and current Florida Senator Marco Rubio enjoyed a festive Easter playdate yesterday. Organized by the men’s respective mothers, the two failed 2016 presidential […]

Property of the Flat Earth Times

Jeb Bush Beats Up Local Bully

MIAMI – Jeb Bush had to be pulled off of a 12-year-old boy yesterday, having beaten the young child beyond submission in a counter-bullying incident. “AT-LEAST-MY-CHILDREN-LOVE-ME!” screamed the former Governor […]

Property of the Flat Earth Times

Jeb Bush Successfully Corrects Order at Pancake House

MIAMI – Jeb Bush overcame some terrific inner demons today when he challenged a restaurant server to fix a mistaken order at a local pancake restaurant. “What? Who?” asked a […]

Jeb Bush to Emerge from Bedroom for First Time in Two Years

MIAMI – Jeb Bush, former Governor of Florida, announced yesterday that he would be leaving his bedroom for the first time since quitting the 2016 presidential race two years ago. […]