Property of the Flat Earth Times

Jeb Bush Sad not to Receive Any Pipe Bombs in the Mail

MIAMI – Former Governor of Florida and 2016 U.S. Presidential candidate Jeb Bush peered into his mailbox today, only for his hopes to dissipate once again. He received no crudely-made pipe bomb in the mail, sent last week to various high-profile opponents of President Trump. “I wasn’t checking the mail for a bomb,” said Mr. […]

Local Woman Impressed with President Trump for not Defecating Pants During SOTU

RALEIGH – A local suburban mother of three was very impressed with President Trump’s State of the Union Address last night, highlighting his successful effort to hold his bowels as he stood before both houses of Congress. “He just showed so much restraint and maturity,” said Karen Mourmont, a housewife from Cornelius, North Carolina, seated […]