Property of the Flat Earth Times

Baby-Boomer Democrats Hold Candlelight Vigil for Joe Biden’s Reputation

SCRANTON – Democratic voters roughly ranging in age from 56 to 73 gathered outside Lackawanna Courthouse Thursday night for a vigil in honor of former Vice President Joe Biden’s personal reputation and integrity. “DAMN PROGRESSIVE MILLENNIALS!” ranted Harry Gitmore, 67, a belt sander.  “Whado they care about that stupid Green New Deal and pound-sign-Me-Too stuff […]

John McCain’s Zombie Should Have Thanked Trump for a Funeral

Deceased Arizona Senator John McCain was brought back into the national conversation today by President Trump.  The President disparaged the Vietnam War Veteran and 2008 Republican Presidential nominee in comments made at a tank factory in Lima, Ohio, saying he gave Mr. McCain “the funeral he wanted, and I didn’t get ‘thank you.’” President Trump […]

America to Boycott 2018 World Cup in Russia

MOSCOW – The greatest tournament in soccer is set to begin in just one months’ time, and the United States will not be attending. The Americans announced they will be boycotting the 2018 World Cup this year, in protest against Russia’s meddling in the 2016 US presidential election. As US Coach Dave Sarachan made clear, […]